I've been on a bit of a faith journey this year. To be completely honest it has felt more like an unraveling of my faith. It has been uncomfortable, challenging and at times scary. When I look back at my years of walking with the Lord, I have had many harder circumstances to navigate yet this season has felt the hardest.
I have felt far from God.
My heart has felt hard or like rocky soil at best.
I have not 'felt' spiritual or like my faith cup was full.
I often just didn't feel like myself or like the person I was expected to be.
Too often I hear statements like "if you feel like God is far, He's not the one who moved, you are". Well, what if God didn't move...but neither did you? How do we handle that?
I think in these situations, it's less about what you're feeling and more about who God is.
If your heart is hard, are you running to God or away from Him? If you feel challenged in your faith walk, are you pressing in or checking out?
I learned early in my faith walk that in these seasons, I need to press in. I can easily stray from the Lord and run to so many earthly comforts if I do not guard my heart and continually seek His face.
See, it's easy to sing all the hallelujahs and shout amen when everything is going well. It is SO much harder to lift your hands in worship when you feel like you're in the 9th round, taking hit after hit and are about to get a big fat KO (that's a boxing reference for all you non-sporty types).
So maybe instead of saying things like "if you feel like God is far, He's not the one who moved"...we can start speaking truth like God is El Roi-my God who sees me and He is Elohei miqqarov-God is near.
I am not through this season yet. I hope that soon my heart will once again be fertile and good soil but for now, I press on. I know that my identity isn't defined by my heart condition...it's not even defined by what I do with my heart condition. My identity is in Him and Him alone.
I press on because I know that God is good. He is faithful. He loves me and He will see me through. I understand that what I do in this season is important. If I give way to the hardness in my heart, it will only produce more hardness. If I keep sowing, plowing and planting...in due time I will see a harvest. So a plowing I will go.
How about you? Regardless if you are in a good or challenging season, be encouraged that God is near. He will never leave you. He is always by your side. He is always there to help you, tell you a joke or encourage you. He's got you, no matter if you 'feel it' or not.