When I was in high school, I was part of a youth program designed for at-risk teenagers. The program was rooted in Hawaiian and leadership values, aiming to help us stay out of trouble and graduate high school. It was led by a program director who was more than a mentor; she was a force of nature. Creative, inspiring, and unafraid to tell it like it was, she had a knack for turning life lessons into unforgettable teaching moments.
One of her most memorable lessons came in the form of an acronym: NAY — Not About You.
She used it as a reminder that not everything in life revolves around us. Anytime someone came in complaining about something trivial, she’d cut through the noise with a sharp and sassy “NAY!” When high school drama threatened to spiral, she’d nip it in the bud with a pointed “NAY!” She even plastered the walls with signs bearing the acronym, ensuring we couldn’t miss the message: life isn’t always about you.
At first, we rolled our eyes — we were teenagers, after all. But something about the simplicity of NAY stuck. Before long, we started saying it to each other. Anytime one of us got overly caught up in our own little storms, someone would chime in with a knowing “NAY.” It became a way to check ourselves and each other, to zoom out and see the bigger picture.
Looking back, I realize it was more than just behavior management. It was a life lesson that shaped how I handle challenges as an adult. Now, my husband and I use a similar principle in our marriage. When one of us gets overly consumed by something — a mistake at a restaurant, a frustrating commute, or even a larger issue — we’ll pause and ask, “Is this a life problem?” Most of the time, the answer is “no.”
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the inconveniences of life. Someone cuts you off in traffic. Your food order is wrong. Your coworker doesn’t respond the way you expected. These moments might feel like the end of the world in the moment, but are they really about you? Are they worth the energy we give them? Most of the time, they’re not.
NAY is more than just a clever saying that youth mentor developed; it’s a perspective shift. It challenges us to step outside of ourselves, to recognize when we’re giving too much power to the insignificant, and to focus on what really matters.
So, the next time you find yourself caught up in frustration or petty drama, stop and ask yourself:
• Is this actually about me?
• Is this a life problem?
Sometimes, the answer is simple: “NAY.”
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