My, my 2020 you have been something. Something no one has expected, imagined or asked for. You rolled in with much anticipation, hopes and dreams...only to disrupt the comfort in our lives in exchange for chaos, confusion, and uncertainty. This has been a year of testing, a year of pruning and a year of clearing the clutter in our lives. At least for me it has. I have been tested by health issues, isolation, hopes deferred and financial uncertainty, maybe you can relate?
While some people pressed in and built their online ministries stronger, I backed off and went on hiatus. Some of this God-lead but some complacency-lead. I let the uncertainties overwhelm me and stop me from doing what I love: writing. Case in point-this is my first post in 2020. But I as sit here reflecting, I am overwhelmed by God's grace in this year rather than my shortcomings. I am realizing that this year has been a year of building deeper relationships, getting clearer on my vision, releasing the weights of expectations and pressures of success. This year I took bold steps to a new future and big risks to get out of my comfort zone. And all of this has been unseen to the public (a.k.a social media) eye.
As I sit here wrestling between writing a 'good article' and writing what's in my heart-an honest revelation, I know that 2020 has done me well. Because I am no longer concerned with 'doing good' but I am becoming more focused on living truth. Some will misinterpret that...and well, that's okay. 2020 has helped me to see how focused I was on looking a certain way or what others thought of me rather than being the woman I am.
For far too long I tried to squeeze out all of the 'bad' or 'non-christian' things about myself and build all of the 'good'. The problem is...that's not real life. I'm human. And in all of my humanity I am made beautiful and perfect in His image. Trying to be or look perfect doesn't make me a super saint or anything to be admired...it makes me religious and kind of fake. And that's not what I want to be.
I want to live in my freedom.
I want to live in His grace.
I want to live.
On the outside, 2020 has produced little for me. I haven't moved big mountains in my ministry, career, education or life really. But on the inside, 2020 has been a game-changer and has set me up for future years of living the life that I really want. A life of living loved.
What has 2020 brought you? An honest reflection of the highs and lows will help you to see how God has been shaping and pruning you...and how that is a reflection of His love. As we near the last part of 2020, let's reflect and allow God to renew our strength for what is yet to come.
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