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My Life is Not My Own






Years ago, I nannied for a season. The 2-month-old I cared for, preferred to fall asleep by way of rocking. Most days, he fell asleep within minutes, and holding and rocking him was a sweet part of my day. Most days.


One day, the little guy just couldn't get comfortable, and no matter how hard I tried, he would not fall asleep. I spent a solid hour rocking him and singing over him, but every time I attempted put him down, he woke and would cry to be rocked again. At some point, I began to feel impatient and desired to have my time and arms back. As I stood rocking him, I turned to the Lord with the awareness that at that moment, my life was not my own. At the moment, my entire being was submitted to this little guy, and my life, my desires, my hunger, and my tiredness, all took a backseat to him and his needs.


I can only imagine this is a teeny-tiny bit of what mothers go through 24 hours a day. So for that, thank you to all the mothers out there, for giving your life sacrificially for the growth of the little ones.


Recently, my husband and I had plans to visit Disney World after church. But as we sat through service, I realized there was some unsettling in my soul. Worship, prayer, the message, and more worship, didn't help to ease my spiritual crankiness. As I worshipped and prayed, it was clear I needed was to sit with the Lord and allow Him to cradle me. My Disney-loving flesh didn't like this idea and I attempted to wiggle my way out of it. But no matter how much I wiggled or prayed, it was clear that only One thing was needed. As I told God, in a very brat-like way, I wanted to go to Disney and I could "work it out" later. He reminded me "my life is not my own". I gave up my rights to do what I want, when I want, when I told God He could have all of my 'yeses' for all of my days.


This means that when something isn't right with my soul, I need to go work that out with the Lord.


When God asks me to do something, there's no "I'll get to it later, thanks, God!", there's only "yes, Lord, my life is not my own."


After sitting with the Lord, I didn't look back and regret not going to Disney, I looked back and regretted the many times I missed being at His feet because I chose my life over my life in Christ.


In the book of Mark, it says "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" Mark 8: 36 (NIV), likewise, what good is it for me to go to Disney if I miss the One who loves me most? I'm reminded to hold everything with open hands and that no matter what the Lord gives me to steward on this earth, my life is not my own. My life is lived-loved, when I'm submitted to God's plans and not mine.


What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? - Mark: 8:36




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